A good year – 2018 – day 111

Woke at 3.30 am, after being disturbed by my wife coming to bed at that time. Had stomach cramps, and dry mouth, along with my sore back. 

Went to the lounge room and put in the television. Don’t know why! There was garbage on. Played my two usual games on my iPhone – “Gummy Drop” – working my way though Barcelona – and “Homescapes” – level 412…

Once it started to get daylight, took my Lovan medication with a nice cold glass of water, then a bowl of muesli, and a long black coffee. 

Once all this was polished off, went out and collected the tools and proceeded to change the car battery over. I, for once, took my time and did a perfect job. 

My impulsiveness to complete tasks is causing me grief as it is leading to mistakes being made. The passage from yesterday, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you” Isaiah 26:3 is ringing true. I am now reminded of what work colleagues and my supervisors are saying, “Take your time!!”  I also recognise that as soon as a thought concerning another person arises, I have to speak to that person, fearing that I will forget it, and not really be assessing its importance, anyway.

I started to toy with the idea of calling a meeting at work, to explain my position, what I am going through, the consequences of my hastiness, and hope that a situation of remedy can be arrived at.

I took the car out for a test drive and to get some urgently needed supplies. The car performed better than it had for a while. The brakes were really sensitive, reflecting the “drive-by-wire” technology in the car and if the battery was below par, the responsiveness would have waned.

I came back home, quite pleased with the result.

I then packed up my tools, and threw away those redundant tools, that were good for older cars but no way would I be using them in the future. While packing up the tools decided it was high time to sort through the various tool boxes and re-sort the tolls into more logical collections.  Once that was complete, went and washed the car with the gurney.  The car looked the best it had been for a while. Again, I took my time!

Once the car washing was finished, it was time for lunch, then while having it, my second daughter wanted to go shopping. I said it will be done a bit later and settled down and caught up on my blogging

When I was stuck with thoughts to blog, went shopping.

After getting back home, the car was cleaned out by my daughters and I did further cleaning and sorting.

All them time I was thinking about the break down last night coming home, and the events leading up to that. I then did some research into the effects of stress. I think I now understand the processes for me personally. I seem to have an abundance of cortisol, which actually displaces insulin, creating insulin resistance. My type 2 diabetes explained. I also don’t sleep much. I get blocked pores, fainting spells, and other effects of the cortisol. I am really understanding the PTSD I am suffering from, and its effects. I can now also see how this leads to depression.

When I went to bed I grabbed the bible, a notebook, and pen and the “Holy Bible” app. I started with Isaiah 26:3 and followed the journey with concordances and comparisons, from Psalms to Phillippians and Job. Definitely the road I must take.

I then fell asleep. 

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